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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Emotional Rollercoaster of a Day

On any given day, the average person experiences a range of positive and negative emotions. However the standard deviation on this range is usually quite low, as the minor trials and tribulations one faces on a daily ("Damn subway is late" or "Sick, I finally beat level 16) basis pale in comparison to the major life-defining events that occur on a much more infrequent basis. After having undergone a few major events and one possibly life-changing event, I figured today justified a post. So without further ado, a graph of my day (click for a better view of the image):

Event Number One: I received a devastating email from BC. Suffice to say, it is always a sad day when a DMW (as so nicely defined by BC) dies; not to mention one that has served me so well (a triple bageling by the Swedish machine comes to mind) over the years.

"BC writes: At approximately 7:37 am this morning, The Dunlop Muscle Weave (DMW), handed down from Todd to me, suffered a career ending fracture trying to save a ball in the back corner. The DMW did make it through the rest of the match but announced in the following press conference that at his age, it would be to tough to come back from this type of injury. The DMW did mention that he was grateful for the long and storied career he had with multiple players, and was thankful to go out on top, with a 3 game winning streak and waxing his foe 3 games to 0 this morning."

Event Number Two and Three: Further signs that the economy sucks. YAY for 10yr treasuries @ 2.57%. A prudent man would be investing in guns and hot sauce right now.

Note: The Y-axis is drawn to scale. So yes, the demise of DMW is significantly more important to my happiness than the overall health of the economy.

Event Number Four: Now here is where the day gets interesting. After three negative hits to my well-being, I needed a little pick me up. Since I was at work and had limited recourse to doing anything actually fun, I decided to hit the old world wide web. And after a few minutes of aimless browsing, I stumbled on something truly life-changing.


The exact thing I read on Wikipedia was: "On May 8, 2005, Andrew Hajinikitas of Australia drank 120 ml of Tabasco sauce in 30 seconds creating a Guinness world record."

Similar to many other human beings, it has always been one of my goals in life to get into the book of world records. But sadly, I have always lacked the talent. The closest I've ever come was 100 meter dash, where i'm only a couple seconds away. But finally, I found my event! What a joker, 4 ounces in 30 seconds? I could leisurely crush that record and take a shot of Tabasco every 8 seconds and leave myself 6 seconds to laugh at this Wanker. As the "Graph of ME" shows, my mood discretely jumped to insane heights. And then it continued to grow as further reading confirmed that 120ml was in fact the world record. Which then brings me to the next event.

Event Five: Before calling up the Guinness guys, I decided to amuse myself by browsing on youtube and watching other idiots try and beat this record. Imagine my surprise when I saw the OFFICIAL video of the WR. I opened it up and prepared for a laugh. Sadly, the joke was on me. Turns out that you have to DRINK from the stupid Tabasco bottle, basically rendering this a meaningless competition from a hot sauce standpoint. The bottleneck here (pun INTENDED) is just how fast you can drink a liquid from a bottle with a tiny mouth. SO LAME. And without even testing, I instantly knew that I have no skills here, so once again, the Guiness Book is still out of reach.

The final event of the day is NOW. While it's hard to tell from the graph due to the scale, I am asymptotically approaching the X-axis..... Not a place you want to end up.

Video of the n00blar sucking down some Tabascos below:


  1. Hey man thanks for the link to my BrickBreaker Guide. Funny, I see we are both squash players - that's Gustav Detter right?

  2. Ha yup, Gustav indeed. He wiped the court with me a few times in college. Where'd you play?

  3. Maybe you could get into the Guinness World Book as the biggest dork of all time? (JK)