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Monday, April 16, 2012

Wuss of the WEEK

What I am about to relate is the age old tale of girl meets hot sauce, hot sauce crushes girl, girl bursts  into tears. Sadly, we all know how this ends. 

That being said, we still thoroughly enjoy hearing it. So please sit back, relax, hit play on the below song (Carly Rae: So HOT right now), and enjoy the shocking and awe-inspiring tale I have to tell.

Location: The Spot Bar and Grill
Date: 4/12/2012
Time: 8:33pm
Witness: Myself and the rest of our amateur volleyball team (Sets on the Beach)
Implement of Destruction: The Spot Burger
Scoville Scale: ~5k
Wuss in Question: Ms. Money

Conclusion: In a nutshell, this was one of the weakest performances I've ever encountered in my brief time on this planet. The only real positive takeaway I came honestly state (without being later sued for libel) is this:

While demonstrating no talent (whatsoever) in hot sauce consumption, J$ remains a champ for allowing me to use her picture and craft this blog post in her honor. 

Background: Last Thursday night was the first game of the prestigious and highly competitive Wash Park coed volleyball league. While initially slightly miffed that our fearless team captain Mr. Gurba chose pink as the uniform color, Sets on the Beach managed to rally around its collective (and unwavering) desire to win, and bonded as a team. Sadly, this unwavering desire failed to propel us to victory in our opening match, and we were defeated in a tightly contested 3 games with the scores of 21-12, 21-13, 21-14... (THTF Note: The trend was our friend, we were a shoo-in for game 11) As a team, we decided that heading to a local bar to discuss strategy over dinner and drinks would be a more effective training tool than practicing; so off to The Spot we went. For those who are not in the know, the Spot is a local sports/dive bar in the Wash Park neighborhood. 

Ms. Money, a dominant blocker on the volleyball court, opted to order the house specialty. "Give me a Spot Burger; medium rare" she says while drinking a $2 PBR and joining the rest of the team as we good-naturedly made fun of the team captain for ordering a glass of "the finest Shiraz in the house." 

(Team Cpt: note pink jersey)

Ms. $'s happy-go-lucky attitude quickly changed upon the arrival of the house special. The fearsome ingredients are as follows:

ZOMG- did someone say chipotle AND guacamole?

In case you are a new reader of this blog and missed the post entitled "n00b alert: Four Dead Giveaways", I shall reiterate: a Chipotle is in fact nothing more than a dried and smoked Jalapeno. Jalapenos come in at a frightening 2.5k on the Scoville scale, and Chipotles are roughly 2x as hot (due to capsaicin naturally increasing as a pepper ages, and ripe Jalapenos are chosen...). So doing the math, I get:

2,500 Scoville Units x 2 = approx 5,000 Scoville Units

WOW. A burger "cooked" in 5k scoville sauce, then covered with cheese (0 scoville units), Guacamole (0 scoville units), onion (0 scoville units), ketchup (0 scoville units), and bread (0 scoville units). Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.... And sure enough, it was.

 I believe the below picture will speak for itself (and the carnage that incurred).

Needless to say, the 60% of the burger pictured above remained uneaten, and Ms. Money remained mute as she battled tears and a burning mouth. What an epic performance! 



  1. That chipotle turned her eyes a devilish red

  2. great post. too funny....

  3. Who is this week's wuss? Great post