The Fearsome Blazin' Wing Challenge

Housekeeping Note

JC responded to my last post re:Terrible Tues. While an entertaining banter ensued, no resolution was reached, as his personal experience trumped any logic/thoughts I was able to bring to bear. Considering how little reader interaction there is on this blog, I have decided to post the conversation in its entirety. Hopefully this will be inspiring to some. This will either be mildly amusing/completely uninteresting depending on the reader.

JC: I disagree with the premise of your latest blog post. m^2 is always worse than t^2

THTF: I would submit that it's not just the absolute level that makes something bad, but the relative level vs expectation.

Think of a stock. Everyone knows that the earnings will stink. And then it reports bad earnings, but not quite as terrible as expected. It rallies. This is Monday.

Then there is a stock that should do fine. But then earnings are a tiny bit below expectation. It sells off. This is Tuesday.

JC: Maybe for you. My mondays usually don't come in better than expectations until im out of work

THTF: Monday is always expected to be awful. It usually matches this expectation, but sometimes it comes in better.

I always have much higher hopes for tues, and it more often than not comes in below expectations.

Maybe I need to re-calibrate tues expectations downward.

JC: It sounds like that would be a rational adjustment given your experience.

THTF: It also has ability to surprise to upside as well though. Mon never does that. Tues is just a more volatile day, but the utility loss from a downside surprise is much greater than the utility gain from an upside surprise

JC: Maybe you are more of a scholar on the topic than I

THTF: That usually is the case

THTF: So is today significantly better than yesterday for you?

JC: Yes, almost unquantifiable

Anyway, on to the point of the post. Last night after rock climbing, JD and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings. As per their unbiased website:

"Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar is one of the fastest-growing restaurant chains in the country. Our concept is more than a Buffalo, New York-style wing joint with 14 signature sauces, we are also a sports bar, with a full menu featuring everything from salads to appetizers to burgers, and a variety of specialty items. All served in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere where people like to hang out with friends, play trivia on our Buzztime^® system, and watch their favorite games on one of our many big-screen TVs."

The restaurant is actually pretty sweet, and has a menu of 14 different wing flavors. The Mango Habanero and Spicy Garlic are amazing. The most "dangerous" of the flavors is the Blazin' sauce. I read on a rather well respected website that the sauce is in the 200k+ scoville range. That my friends is 100% libel. At most this thing clocks in at 20k.

The Menu

Tuesday nights at BWW is 45cent wings, so JD and I decided to stop by for a quick dinner before going out ($2 bowling and drinks @ Lucky Strikes last night!). I decided that this was the perfect time to give the Blazin' Wing Challenge a try. The serving girl's face went ashen when said challenge was requested, and she queried whether I was sure. I admitted I was, and off she went to get the waiver that needs to be signed. Highlights from the waiver included: BWW is not liable in case of participants death, no water or celery or blue cheese, 12 blazin' wings, 6 total minutes. JD elected to sit this one out like a little girl, but was kind enough to act as a witness.

Anyway, the actual challenge was a total cakewalk. The wings were not spicy, so it came down to whether I could eat 12 wings in 6 minutes. And like any self-respecting man, the answer was yes. Four minutes and 15 seconds later, I was the proud owner of the following T-Shirt.




EZ_MODE

Terrible Tues? I don't think so

Besides the Bangles, everyone knows that Mondays suck. After spending a glorious weekend out of the office sleeping in, playing sports, doing activities, and otherwise enjoying yourself, the pain of a 5 day work week sets in hard come Monday morning; hence the term Miz Monday. But while it is brutal, it also is very expected and understood by the masses. So you can't be too upset when the day in fact is bad. That being said, I personally believe that Tuesday is actually the worst day of the week; hence my nickname Terrible Tues (or T^2 for the nerds in the crowd). Monday you still have the opportunity to regale your work buddies with your extracurricular weekend exploits, and the bar is really low as far as having a good day. Tuesday on the other hand has nothing going for it. The weekend is still an interminably long distance away, and you are required to do all the work that you pushed off on Miz Mon due to your residual two day hangover. So more work, and what seems to be the same (i.e. infinte) amount of time until the weekend makes T^2.

So this Tuesday started off as expected; terribly. Work was rough, my stocks were moving the wrong way, and Jimmy John's inexplicably covered my Italian sub with Mayo. WTF! I got home around 7pm, and made some "poor man's chili" (a JD invention, dropping beef stew onto pasta and then slathering with hot sauce; amazing!) in order to help turn the day around. I needed a pick me up, so decided to cover my dinner with Mad Dog Inferno. A great 90k sauce (garlic/molasses), I overestimated my abilities and totally pwned myself; rendering the dinner inedible. And I got a stomach to boot, F!

However from this point on, T^2's strangelhold on my day started to loosen. For JD's 26th birthday, I got him (and myself) tickets to KT Tunstall at the Ogden. Now that doesn't sound like a good gift for a 26 year old male, but I can assure you it is. So we headed to the concert early in order to snag a front row spot. The opening band was Hurricane Bells, most famous (i.e. only known) for their song Monsters that occupies track ten on the Twilight New Moon soundtrack. They were actually pretty solid. Then after 15 minutes of anxiety attacks by JD (O.M.G. WHERE IS SHE, I HOPE SHE SINGS SUDDENLY I SEE, ETC), KT made her appearance.



She, and her new album (Tiger Suit), were friggin awesome. Totally turned Terrible Tues into an Epic Day. She even dedicated a song to me (the only positive to going through a rough breakup ) which was pretty sweet of her. Highlights include her songs Difficult, and I'm Still a Weirdo, as well as how she makes her own beats on the fly (i.e. goes "woo hoo" into the mic, then records it using footpedals, and then loops it to provide the backing track to Black Horses and the Cherry Tree).



The rest of the band was pretty cool as well. All in all, a great show. KT is a must see for the 25-26 year old male demographic imho.

2nd Batch- The HOT Ones

The final six sauces I ordered arrived yesterday. A November 1st arrival was a bit of fail as they were suppose to come during Hot Sauce Month (hi OCTOBER!), but overall the quality of the sauces made up for the delay.

The GOODS (click for full img)


The Beast is a staple in the JD training regime, so it was good to restock. Then I'm very pleased with the inclusion of Liquid Stoopid and Mad Dog Inferno. Both are probably in the 75-85k range, so are the next step up. I have yet to try the Widow sauce, but it allegedly comes in with a 9 handle. Then Mad Dog 357 is a very high end (357k, duh) sauce, which should be good for spicing up a chili as well as party tricks.

Last night I tried the "You can't handle this sauce", and was super impressed. The ingredient list made it look real wimpy, so I had low expectations (vinegar, molasses, jalapeno, cinnamon, etc). But the flavor was incredible, and it actually had some real heat. While it is has yet to be determined whether I was blowing my nose last night b/c of the sauce or b/c of the onset of a cold (still waiting for it to arrive....), I'm very pleased with the unique taste and good heat.

P.S. Where's WALDO?? If you open up the above hot sauce picture, you will see a diminutive character lurking in the background. This is actually the Wuss of the WEEK! This unnamed person was overheard complaining that the black pepper on her pasta was TOO HOT. When queried, she replied that the problem was that "it was ground pepper, so it was a lot hotter than normal". ZOMG, I have my work cut out for me!

Halloween Fri/First Batch of Product Arrived

If you are reading this, you have successfully navigated Miz Mon and Terrible Tues, scraped through the painful middle of the week, and now finally have reached Freaky Fri! So good work on that (unless you got banged up last night at the bar lamenting the painful FSU loss, and now are hating yourself). Friday means it is now Halloween weekend, which is the second most important thing in October. All year I had plans to either be Toad from Super Mario, or a Sour Patch Kid. Paralyzed by indecision, I have reached Fri with no progress or costume. As a result (and lack any creative abilities), I'm going to try a last ditch run to a costume store this evening. And if it doesn't work, I may be forced to go as a bloody cannibal with JD. (Picture to come later, I assure you it is the most terrifying costume ever. People ACTUALLY will not talk to me once said costume is donned.) It is unclear whether CA will want to join us or not, smart $$$ says no.

But anyway, as mentioned in a previous post, the most important thing about October is that it is Hot Sauce Month. I ordered 16 new sauces, and the first shipment of ten sauces came last week.

The GOODS have arrived


I ordered these ten sauces from Original Juan Specialty Foods. I had previously had the 95% pain, and my sister and her fiancee (little mikey) were real bullish on the garlic style sauce. So I elected to buy basically the whole suite of hot and extra hot sauces available on the website. Coming in at over $50 made me eligible for free shipping. What is kind of hilarious about this strategy is that 1) by offering free shipping for orders over $50 DEFINITELY made me order a couple more sauces than I normally would have. +$10 to the company. 2) the rocket-scientists @ Original Juan's did not specify WHAT KIND OF SHIPPING would be free. So like any opportunistic American, I ordered over-night air-freight delivery. -$45 to the company. So all in, the company lost about $35 on me with their stupidly designed promotion.

But anyway, onto the sauces. JD and I tested every sauce utilizing the "3 drops on a chip, clean the palate with a swig of water, move onto the next one" technique.

The Testing Station



Overall, the results were satisfactory. My takeaways would be that:
1) None of them were overly spicy. The X-treme, Habanero, and Pain 100% were the hottest. They probably were in the 20-30k range, which fills a nice void in my collection.
2) The sauce quality (with the exception of the Spur Tree Scotch Bonnet sauce which was yellow crap) was quite high; full body with chunks of ingredients. A big step up from the runny and thin gruel-like sauces you sometimes see.
3) The pain 95% sauce really is incredible. The sweet pineapple flavor is an amazing complement to the heat, I'd highly recommend this one.
4) Da Bomb Ghost pepper was my other favorite. It is only 1/5th as spicy as its Da Bomb brothers (it is loaded up with other ingredients to reduce the heat, as the ghosts are the hottest peppers in the world), but it has none of their grim flavor. This is my first time hitting up a ghost pepper sauce, and this sauce certainly was a training wheels experience. It has inspired me to get a real Ghost Pepper sauce, most likely will be picking up the Mad Dog 357 Ghost to get a little more feel of the actual heat.

Next week, the last six of my order should come. These are the hotter sauces (more like 75-95k), so I am expecting some fireworks followed by JD waterworks.

Have a great Halloween!

Taco Bell Burrito Analysis

One of the perks of my job is I get to play with numbers and put together spreadsheets. However unlike a green investment banking analyst where the final answer is already known and the intrepid Wharton grad just needs to create a model that justifies the arbitrary (and inflated) equity value that his boss gave him, my spreadsheets are optimally intended to actually solve for something unknown. So in that vein of trying to determine something unclear to the world, I decided to tackle a complex problem that seems to be plaguing Taco Bell customers across the globe.

Question: Is it more cost effective to buy a Five Layer Burrito or a Seven Layer Burrito?

The Cast of Characters

Five Layer Burrito, $0.99

Seven Layer Burrito, $2.19


In order to properly assess the value, I look at both cost per layer, as well as cost per calorie.

Tabulated Results are as follows (CLICK ON THE GRAPH TO SEE RESULTS):



In a shocking result, the FIVE LAYER BURRITO IS THE CLEAR WINNER!

From a Cost/Layer standpoint, the 5 Layer at $0.99 comes in at a respectable 20cents per layer. (PLEASE EXCUSE THE ROUNDING ERROR). The 7 Layer at $2.19 comes in at a less respectable 31cents per layer, or is 1.6x as expensive. Alternatively, if you assume that the first five layers are priced at parity with the 5 layer, then the cost of the remaining two layers balloons to 60cents, or 3.0x as expensive.

WTF is in these extra layers, Calories?

Well that is a great question, and brings us to part two of the analysis; cost/calorie. The 5 Layer clocks in at 550 calories, while the 7 layer tips the scale at a weak 510 calories. Based on a cost/calorie standpoint, the 7 layer is 2.4x as expensive.

Conclusion: Anyone that orders a 7 layer is an idiot; DON'T DO IT.

P.S. While a poor comp (i.e. does not follow the standard format of =CONCATENATE("#"," Layer"," Burrito")), I also looked at the Bean Burrito. Assuming it is a 1 Layer burrito, the bean burrito costs 5x as much as the 5 Layer on a cost/layer basis, and costs 1.5x as much on a cost/cal basis. Considering that the ingredients of a bean burrito are included in both the 5 and 7 layer (refresher on implications of this), you'd REALLY have to be dumb to order one of these.

The October Orders Are IN

I got back late last night from a weekend trip to SF. (Note to readers that would like to avoid looking like n00bs, do not call it San Fran. According to PH, this totally red-flags you as a non-local. Either SF, or San Francisco.) Highlights include the DeadMau5 show, Lombardi's sports store, riding the Ferris wheel, and sneaking into the VIP section at TI. Lowlights include the weather (so far SF has a 100% crappy weather hit rate during my visits, I'm going to give it one more chance then that's it), SL offering me a ride to the airport and then getting a flat-tire; forcing us to take a cab (which of course only took cash, and he "regrettably" had none), and the undercooked burgers at Perrys. Mixed Reactions to the "shot of the city", Fernet. (though interested to learn that 25% of US consumption occurs in SF annually) +1 for tasting like Jaeger, -1 for tasting like Jaeger mixed with mouthwash.


Anyway moving on to more important things, after a couple weeks of research, I finally pulled the trigger this morning on my hot sauce order. Utilizing a combination of promo codes and daily/weekly online deals, I managed to procure 16 sauces for a blended ASP (including shipping) of around $6 each. I'm feeling pretty good about the selection. With the exception of Mad Dog 357, the sauces are in the mid/low range I'd say, which should help make my collection a little more accessible to plebeians.


In 5-7 business days, I shall be receiving the below loot, reviews to follow:

Mad Dog 357

Widow Hot Sauce

Mad Dog Inferno

You Can’t Handle this Sauce

Liquid Stoopid

The Beast

Batch 114 Jamaican Style Hot Sauce

Batch 37 Garlic Style Hot Sauce

Bite Me Roasted Garlic Chipotle Hot Sauce

Da' Bomb Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce

Pain 100% Hot Sauce

Pain 95% Hot Sauce

Pain 85% Hot Sauce

XTREME Hot Sauce

Spur Tree Scotch Bonnet Pepper Sauce

Pain Is Good Habanero Hot Sauce

October=Hot Sauce Month

Recent lunch trips to Firehouse Subs and Buffalo Wild Wings (and the associated trying of 20+ different sauces) have led me to proclaim that OCTOBER (Ex-Halloween, a dull and unimportant month in the grand scheme of things) is officially hot sauce month. So time to beef up your collections, try some new sauces, burn your roommate, etc

My hot sauce quiver currently has two holes that I need to fill.

1) It is really lacking in the mid-range (60-90k) sauces.

2) I need some high-end fire-power that is not BLAIR's.

I'm currently thinking some mad dog inferno/liquid stoopid and some of the lower Ca Johns to fill slot one.

Slot two, thinking a mad dag 357, Widow, and a Vicious Viper

Two other awesome sauces that JD found are Gator Hammock and Pain 95%. Not going to hurt anyone (other than ZS), but they have absurdly good flavor. The scorned women sauce is also pretty good. Those will likely be an OCT event as well, might see if I can get JD to pony up (though first he needs to procure an Xbox/Halo:Reach....)

Worst sauce I tried while at Firehouse: FSU Seminoles Hot Sauce! (sorry CA)

In addition to the purchased sauces, it also is time to break out the food processor that has been sitting and gathering dust in my front hall.

I will be doing my purchasing from this website: http://www.hotsauceworld.com/hotsauces.html